25 Funny Quotes to Celebrate Smile Week
Pretty soon it’s gonna be National Smile Week, and what better way to get those smiles cracking than with some humorous and amusing quotes? Get ready for your checks to hurt the whole week through. Here are twenty-five amusing quotes to get you started.
1. “If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.” ~ Dave Allen
2. “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” ~ Albert Einstein
3. “Excellent girls go to heaven, terrible girls go everywhere.” ~ Mae West
4. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ~ Fred Allen
5. “The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.” ~ Dave Barry
6. “A dog is the only thing on earth that likes you more than you like yourself.” ~ Josh Billings
7. “Things ain’t what they used to be and probably never was.” ~Will Rogers
8. “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.” ~ Gary Busey
9. “I like Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.” ~ Walt Disney
10. “Hippies, hippies… they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!” ~ Eric Cartman
11. “If you reckon nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” ~ Flip Wilson
12. “If you want to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
13. “I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have place diamonds on the floor.” ~ Joan Rivers
14. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” ~ Emo Philips
15. “There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.” ~ Josh Groban
16. “I reckon the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.” ~Demetri Martin
17. “Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.” ~ Ruth Gordon
18. “It is incredible how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to know the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.” ~ Ben Bergor
19. “Have no dread of perfection–you’ll never reach it.” ~ Salvador Dali
20.”It is better to be gorgeous than to be excellent, but it is better to be excellent than to be hideous.” ~ Oscar Wilde
21. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” ~ Ethel Barrymore
22. “I reckon of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most vital moments.” ~ Jim Morrison
23. “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” ~ Winston Churchill
24. “Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.” ~ Jason Hutchison
25. “Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” ~ Benny Hill
Are you smiling yet? Fantastic! Now you’re ready for National Smile Week. Know someone else who needs to exercise their face muscles before the huge week really hits? Why not take these twenty-five amusing quotes and share them?
http://www.well-known-quotes-and-quotations.com/amusing-quote.html