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“An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.” – Anonymous

“Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.” – Murphy’s Law of Line Printers

“Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.” – The Chartered Institution of C Programmers

“C, n.: A programming language which was names thus because it cannot be named B after bees blocked it in a high-court case.” – The Royal Society of Pascal Programmers

“C++, n.: C with fine print which is never quoted and no-one knows about; features which renders a correctly-written C programme useless.” – The Royal Society of Pascal Programmers

“The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it.” – Anonymous

“The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. – FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers

“Every programme is a part of some other programme, and rarely fits.” – The Complete Microsoft Internal Jokes, Vol.III

“When the programme refuses to work as intended, change the specification to fit the programme. It’s simpler than vice versa.” – Briefing for new programmers joining Microsoft, 1995

“After I run your programme, let’s make like like crazed weasels, okay?” – Alice Blair, in a cupboard with Alan Robertson

“How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: “We’ll fix it in software.” “How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: “We’ll document it in the manual.” “How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: “Let’s define darkness as the industry standard.” “How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: “The user can work it out.” “Real Programmers don’t play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.” – Anonymous

“I haven’t lost my mind, it’s backed up on tape somewhere.” – Anonymous

“Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.” – The Devil’s Dictionary to Computer Studies

“Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.” – The Devil’s Dictionary to Computer Studies

“Never test for an error condition you don’t know how to handle.” – Steinbach’s Guideline for Systems Programming

“If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably incorrect. - Norm Schryer

“Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction – from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn’t work.” – Anonymous

“Microcomputers are the tool of the 80’s. BASIC is the language that all of them use. So the sooner you learn BASIC, the sooner you will know the microcomputer revolution.” – 30 Hour BASIC Standard, 1981.

“I expect that any day now someone will invent a round thing which rolls along the ground and minimises friction, only it will need a 233-megahertz Pentium processor to do it.” – Garry Harant, Blackburn, Victoria, Australia

“640k is enough for anyone, and by the way, what’s a network?” – William Gates III, President of Microsoft Corporation, 1984.

“Linux is not portable.” – Linus Torvalds.

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